Blurbs Guest Posts

Guest Post: An Apology for my Indecisiveness

Instagram is how I found the body positive community. It’s opened my eyes to how to accept my own body, my mental health struggles, and I’ve met some inspiring women along the way. Today, I’m sharing a post written for the blog by my truly inspiring friend Debra (@idrinkcupsoftea)

“Trust your gut.

Follow your heart.

Use your intuition.

All of these are different examples of the ways that we encourage each other to consider our bodies primary reaction to an event or situation. We are reminding one another to check in with our senses and make decisions according to those signals. This is a very important part of the decision making process.

So.. what happens when your body is confused? This is what I can only describe as intuition vs. anxiety. As someone who struggles daily with anxiety, decision making is a huge challenge for me. I can see those around me becoming frustrated by my hesitation or submissive indifference. But, unlike neurotypicals, there is never just one craving, one possible outcome, one stream of thought.  My body is suffering from being told constantly that there is the possibility of danger because my anxiety constantly feels as if there is. So, when I’m deciding where I want to eat, this is not based on any intuitive eating. When I am deciding what movie to attend, this is not just based on what I think I would like to see.

No.

What is the drive like? How many people will be there? Will I be able to find parking or will I have to walk? If I have to walk I am going to be out of breath. If I’m out of breath someone is going to be looking at the fat girl sweating up the parking lot. Oh, maybe we will stay in instead.

Oh I’d love to go to that event! Commits to event. Starts to feel anxious about the amount of people. Will I feel panicked, everyone will be so close, what if I need to pee, what if I don’t feel safe, oh no look at how much the tickets are, if I get that I won’t be able to save that for next week.

I am never making a decision lightly. Because I do not have that luxury. My intuition is hidden within my anxiety, and if you think that’s complicated – imagine how I feel.”
You can follow Debra at @idrinkcupsoftea on Instagram. 💜

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